I Cant Love Myself and Hate My Body

01

January, 2017

Self Help
Dating
Self Esteem

One day I decided to stop hating my body. It wasn’t a total epiphany or a conversion experience. It was a cumulation of months of thinking:

 

I hate being so miserable.
It sucks not having the confidence I should.            I’m pretty but I never feel that way.
What am I missing?

Here’s the thing: Everyone’s body is non-standard in some way. Mine happens to be over what society has dictated the standard weight should be.

 

Image courtesy of flickr.com.

Bucking standards isn’t easy, but I am a rebel. It takes a lot of nerve, but I live my life:

– Black
– Woman
– Opinionated
– Fat

Obviously, I got over the first three, but I gotta be honest: it took me until damn near thirty to stop hating myself for being fat. It influenced the way I interacted with everyone I met. Dating? Forget it. If you were willing to tolerate my body as is, you were the guy for me.

That decision was a HUGE (no pun intended) mistake on my part.

Bucking standards isn’t easy, but I am a rebel. It takes a lot of nerve, but I live my life

Time to change

So what changed on that day? Nothing big. I was just tired. I was tired of fighting myself. Nobody wants to walk around feeling unworthy. And before you tell me that if I felt unworthy I should have lost weight, consider this: who wants to be loved conditionally?

No, really. How could I have ever expected to trust myself if I looked in the mirror and said the following:

LOOK self, you’re nice.
Very intelligent.
Pretty face. . .
BUT none of those things matter until you drop some pounds

I decided that if I can’t love myself unconditionally, I have no right to demand it from anybody else. I started looking at myself, REALLY looking.

If you search the internet, you will find lots of information about body positivity. I started asking myself if the reason I had been upset about my weight was because I personally had a problem with it or because of what I believed other people thought of me.

 

Slowly it dawned on me that I had fallen for society’s expectations of me hook line and sinker. Guess what? I’m fucking gorgeous. I surround myself with people who see my beauty and if someone doesn’t, that’s ok. I’m not for everybody. I’m for me, primarily.

So while you’re making and keeping your resolutions, I want you to look at yourself and ask: do I believe I’m fucking gorgeous?

Don’t wait to lose the weight. Lose it if you want or need to, but don’t hold your self-acceptance hostage. Love yourself the way you’ve always wanted to be loved. It’s awesome.

Until next time,

René

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If you don't love your body, can you truly say you love yourself?

One day I decided to stop hating my body. It wasn’t a total epiphany or a conversion experience. It was a cumulation of months of thinking:

I hate being so miserable.
It sucks not having the confidence I should.            I’m pretty but I never feel that way.
What am I missing?

Here’s the thing: Everyone’s body is non-standard in some way. Mine happens to be over what society has dictated the standard weight should be.

Bucking standards isn’t easy, but I am a rebel. It takes a lot of nerve, but I live my life:

– Black
– Woman
– Opinionated
– Fat

Obviously, I got over the first three, but I gotta be honest: it took me until damn near thirty to stop hating myself for being fat. It influenced the way I interacted with everyone I met. Dating? Forget it. If you were willing to tolerate my body as is, you were the guy for me.

That decision was a HUGE (no pun intended) mistake on my part.

Time to change

So what changed on that day? Nothing big. I was just tired. I was tired of fighting myself. Nobody wants to walk around feeling unworthy. And before you tell me that if I felt unworthy I should have lost weight, consider this: who wants to be loved conditionally?

No, really. How could I have ever expected to trust myself if I looked in the mirror and said the following:

LOOK self, you’re nice.
Very intelligent.
Pretty face. . .
BUT none of those things matter until you drop some pounds

I decided that if I can’t love myself unconditionally, I have no right to demand it from anybody else. I started looking at myself, REALLY looking.

If you search the internet, you will find lots of information about body positivity. I started asking myself if the reason I had been upset about my weight was because I personally had a problem with it or because of what I believed other people thought of me.

Slowly it dawned on me that I had fallen for society’s expectations of me hook line and sinker. Guess what? I’m fucking gorgeous. I surround myself with people who see my beauty and if someone doesn’t, that’s ok. I’m not for everybody. I’m for me, primarily.

So while you’re making and keeping your resolutions, I want you to look at yourself and ask: do I believe I’m fucking gorgeous?

Don’t wait to lose the weight. Lose it if you want or need to, but don’t hold your self-acceptance hostage. Love yourself the way you’ve always wanted to be loved. It’s awesome.

Until next time,

René

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