Disclaimer: I know there are a lot of people who feel that their ADHD is a blessing and it does great things for them. I honor that but I must respectfully say that my ADHD has done me no favors. If yours is a blessing then you can take mine and have an extra blessing. This post has been written at the height of my frustration and I don’t believe that I am alone when I explain the torture of dealing with this disorder when it isn’t a blessing. 

Here is the reality of my condition. My life sucks. Yes, I know I’m supposed to be telling you how I’m succeeding with ADHD and how you can too. That’s not my current situation. Here is my current situation: my utilities are getting ready to get turned off and my car is getting ready to be repossessed because my anxiety is so bad that I have been on leave from my job for the last six months. My house is a mess.  My marriage is suffering. My iPhone got dropped last night and the screen shattered ( and for those of you who question why someone who is broke has an iPhone, I bought it when circumstances were better).  Now I have yet another bill that I can’t afford to pay. 

My credit is shot because I never learned how to manage money. My car payment is the same amount that someone would pay for a Lexus.  That’s what happens when you have a disorder that causes problems with the part of your brain that keeps you from making impulsive purchases, from being disorganized, from  doing things on time.

At 30 I’m learning things I needed to know before I turned 20, and I’m wondering if it is too late. I’m wondering if I’ll ever be able to buy a house, or have a decent life? I’m wondering if I’ll ever be able to look at someone who is more “together” than I am and feel like an equal. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to enjoy life instead of feeling like I’m on a treadmill that’s turned on the highest setting. I’m always trying to catch up, but I keep falling further behind. And I’m tired.

I need help, and I’m getting it for what might be the first time ever in my life. But it might be too late. I don’t know if I’ll ever get out of this mess. I don’t know if my life can ever be repaired from the mess that untreated ADHD has made of it. I wonder if I’ll be made to suffer for my ignorance forever.
That’s my reality. Those of you who would judge me, have at it, but consider this: how many other people are living this way, but never told you?

Until next time,
René
%d bloggers like this: