Anxiety: Trust Issues
Dealing with it
I think I’ve figured out what my problem really is. For months, I’ve lived life like a zombie. I’ve been depressed, I’ve been overwhelmed and over-thought. To be frank: Anxiety has been kicking my ass.
Those of you who have known me for a while know I have a hard time deciding on favorites; you know like a favorite movie, song, actor, etc. if I had to narrow it down though, I’d say one of my favorite movies ever is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory. The original one with Gene Wilder and little people. Don’t bring that Johnny Depp stuff around my way. It was alright, it just isn’t the same. I like my Oompa Loompas with orange skin and green hair.
Image courtesy of flickr.com.
For those of you who’ve never had the pleasure, let me introduce you to anxiety. Anxiety steals your peace. Anxiety steals your sleep. Anxiety twists phrases, intentions and emotions into a rope and binds your feet with it, leaving it in a bow you are too terrified to untie.
Anxiety puts you on a treadmill with ever increasing speed and convinces you that running faster will get you somewhere. Exhausted, you run and run, praying a solution will find you. The emergency stop is within your reach, but you’re never quite certain that pushing it will give you rest.
“I thought I was missing something. I thought I had lost my edge. My confidence. My direction. Here’s what it was: I stopped trusting myself.”
I thought I was missing something. I thought I had lost my edge. My confidence. My direction. Here’s what it was: I stopped trusting myself. Simply, factually, I stopped trusting me. I had (have) trust issues.
This sounds esoteric and hippy dippy I know, but hear me out. When you doubt your capability to make a rational decision about your own life, you force yourself to look for answers elsewhere. Those answers usually come from the thoughts and opinions of other people.
No matter how well meaning someone else can be, they can never give you the desires of your heart. Nobody else knows what gives you your spark like you do. Nobody else can understand you like you can. Nobody else knows what keeps you up at night, dreaming. So we flit around from person to person attempting to get what only we can give to ourselves. It leaves us frustrated and confused. It makes us drain our loved ones of precious energy and causes us to cling too tightly to them.
I challenge you to remind yourself of who you are: no, really. Step outside of yourself. Grab a mirror, grab a pen. Look at yourself objectively. Leave your past failings in the past for five minutes and look at you.
You thought you would never make it to where you are, but you’re reading these words.
You thought you’d never survive what hurt you, but take a deep breath.
Do you feel that?
That’s you being alive.
What is there not to trust from a person who despite all the terrible things that life throws your way, continues?
It’s time to untie the rope. It’s time to stop the treadmill. You know what’s best for you, and you’ve always known. If you fail, you have a precedent for knowing that you will survive it. It’s as sure as the air in your lungs.
Let go of the trust issues.
Just try it.
Until next time,
P. S. Here are some images for you to pin to your favorite Pinterest Board!
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